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"I asked for, and got, a check 30 days after my husband left," she says.

"Too many men dodge their financial responsibilities, so waiting for that first alimony check is unwise. Newman says that a client of hers told her husband's boss about his affair with his secretary and ended up getting him fired.

"It can leave him feeling stigmatized or reinforce that the divorce is his fault," says Doares, though therapy's a good option if the behavior change is extreme.10. Annie, 47, from Boston, felt like she didn't have any talents, besides caring for her kids, before divorcing in 2007.

She now has a blog, Plenty Perfect.com, and sees new directions her life can take.

Try to have money available—like ,000—within days. "It not only 'showed him;' it also showed the wife—and their children—what life is like on a lower salary," she says.

Caitlin, 55, from Tarrytown, NY, recommends requesting a one-time payment, separate from alimony."Divorce used to be something people didn't do, and many considered divorced women to be 'loose' and 'scandalous,'" says two-time divorcee Jennifer Little, Ph D, founder of Parents Teach Kids.Some of those stigmas still exist, she says, so remember that divorce doesn't define you.So make sure you stay busy during that difficult time of year.9.Your kids won't tell you how they really feel about the divorce, but their behavior will. So monitor your kids' actions to understand how they're dealing.

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